Today is a little different from my usual post because I just want to write out my mind. I also feel like I am level up so I want to share with you about where and how I gain those experience. 😉
I always lack confidence and so caution about other people’s thoughts about me. I remember I used to hate myself when I back in elementary since I was the tallest and had a mad looking face. I am shy and no one approached me. I am a geek, and it was so hard for me to get in “group” too. I tried to fit in others and act like others. I was not happy. I never thought I am pretty and never got a compliment for my physical appearance before I meet my best friends from college. I never wear skirt or dress. I didn’t set up my hair or do makeup. I was scared to be special. I was too scared and kept thinking people talk bad about me. I know how people can be mean and rude since I heard the conversation in the restroom stall. (Joke) XD
Since I start blogging and receive a lot of nice words from my lovely readers, I decide to step out of my comfort zone. I start to dress up nicer and tie my hair more often. I start wearing accessories and lip balm. Today, I wear makeup to work. I was nervous and keep thinking what should I say if someone talks about my makeup. And you already know, nothing happens. No one asks me anything or looks at me differently. I just have a normal work day, and this makes me realize that: No one gives a sh*t about my look except me!
I notice. Sometimes I just overthinking that I am so important and everyone cares about me. It sounds depressing, but it is true that I am not as important as I thought. Since I am not that important to other people, I decide I won’t care about them anymore. I will wear whatever I want and wear makeup whenever I like. Why do I have to care other people thoughts about my look? Especially, I just imagine things that don’t happen.
This is also my message to people who are same as me. If you also care about what other people think about your look, say f*ck it. We need to stop overthinking and just do what we want to do. We only have one life and time goes by fast. We shouldn’t do something that we will regret later. I will regret if I waste my youth and live under my imagination or others thought for rest of my life. Next time, I will do because I want to not because I think people would want me to.
A lesson I learned: Do whatever your heart tells you to, let others eat sh*t.
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